Ok, it's been a very long time since I have posted on my blog. Life's been happening! so, in 2009 my heart function improved to 35% and the size of my heart decreased dramatically. This was something we had been praying for years about and it's something doctors say never happens after the number of years I had been living with this disease. Yesterday I had a very emotional day. A day of highs and a day of lows...riding the roller coaster once again and I hate roller coasters! Yesterday afternoon when I took my Dad home after he dropped off my daughter Jocelyn from school, he started talking to me and just telling me that he was proud of me. He listed reasons that I won't go into because they are between me and God (and my family). It's such an awesome feeling to have your earthly father tell you he's proud of you but for him to say that he believes God would be pleased with me, well that's what I live for. I hope God is pleased with me....I hope I do him proud. That's my life's goal is to do the will of my heavenly father and to one day hear him say, "well done, my good and faithful servant." That's why I live. So, I was on cloud nine to have my father tell me how proud he is of me and then I came home to find a message that my doctors office had just called to give me the results of my latest echo. So, I called them back and the nurse read my results. These results were not what I was expecting at all and I will not lie here, I felt like I had been kicked in the gut and the wind completely knocked out of me. The nurse told me this latest echo shows my heart function to only be 23%. This is a 12% reduction in function after I had been given such great news just a little over a 1 1/2 years earlier. Yes, I was extremely disappointed in those results and yes, I shed some tears and I'm sure I'm not done with tears. I went about finishing up working for the day and made dinner for my family. I went about the business I needed to get done and tried my best not to focus on myself. Here's an amazing part of this story....Saturday, I had taken my Mom to a bookstore that is closing it's doors because she had a gift card and she wanted to make sure she used it before the store did close. I had picked up a couple books, "Made to Crave" and "The Hiding Place" but God kept saying to me, you need to find a devotional book to use on a daily basis to go along with my Bible reading. So, the selection was very poor or at least that is what I thought! There was one devotional book there so I picked it up, flipped thru it and thought, ok I'll get this one. So after Mom had made her selections, we proceeded to go to the back of the line and wait for over 45 minutes in line to pay for our selections. Many times while in that line, I thought about setting the devotional book back on a shelf somewhere because frankly I thought it was a bit pricey and they were only offering a 20% discount at this point. God kept telling me if I was going to put a book down, it needed to be one of my other choices and not the devotional. I didn't want to put one of the other books down...selfish, I know. I felt like God was telling me to buy this devotional book so I listened to that voice and did. So, yesterday when I got this news I was heartbroken and really struggling to try and wrap my head around how this could be with everything I am able to do. After dinner, I sat down with my Bible and read my devotional for that day. This is what it said: Anti-Worship. Think about what anxiety says about God. When we harbor anxious thoughts, we are saying that the one who has promised to take care of our future might not do a good job of it. It says the one who promised to walk us thru the waters and not to allow the fire to burn us might abandon us to the waters and the fire. And it says that his presence in the valley of the shadow of death might not be enough to calm us. We don't realize it but our emotions often tell the provider that we don't think we'll have enough provision, tell our Savior that we're afraid of not being saved, tell our Comforter that we're uncomfortable, and tell our Deliverer that we're sure we'll remain captive. Our hearts actually slander him when we don't trust his protection, his strength, and his love. We don't mean to; we're just anxious. Our anxiety can be awfully offensive.

In Deed: Imagine a son lying awake at night wondering if his parents are going to feed him tomorrow. Imagine a daughter wondering if she will have something to clother herself in. That might happen in some homes, but what does that say of the parents? Nothing Complimentary. But we who worship God cannot praise him with such insecurities. Our fears are a form of anti-worship-a clear declaration that our God might not have promised us enough, or might not be able to follow through on what he has promised. Yes, he will let us go through hard things, but never outside of his timing or beyond his protection. So worship him and don't worry about it.

Now, I don't think that is merely a coincidence that this devotional was in that book with the same date on it as the date I got my test results, do you? That is why I was supposed to buy that devotional. That is why I found myself in a book store with my Mom last Saturday. I'll even go as far to say that is why my Mom got this gift card from a friend. Devine appointment and it leaves me in awe. So last night, I didn't worry....I worshipped. I've worshipped today while working out and I'm going to keep on worshipping. God will use HIS strength to accomplish what he wants to accomplish thru me. Maybe I need to be at 23% so I can really know that what I do is only because of his strength and the Holy Spirit working thru me. It's not me doing anything.....So, while at the Y this morning, I worshipped and it was beautiful. I'll spend my day worshipping. Yes, I'll probably cry some more but I won't waller in self pity. I've got work to do for my King. I live so others will know his name. That is my purpose. I live so others can enjoy eternal life. I was getting ready to turn my mp3 player off this morning and God said, sit down and listen to the word of this song before you leave so I did. I'm really learning to listen to him. Here are the words:

Lincoln Brewster

For Your endless love (For Your endless love)
For the life You gave (For the life You gave)
For the second chance (For the second chance)
For Your priceless grace (For Your priceless grace)
For Your healing hands (For Your healing hands)
For the gift of peace (For the gift of peace)
For the blessed hope (For the blessed hope)
For the faith to believe (For the faith to believe)

For these reasons I praise You
For these reasons I worship You
(1st ending)
For these reasons I live to tell
of Your love to all the world
(2nd ending)
For these reasons I live to tell
of Your love to all the world


For these reasons, Lord Jesus, I praise you. For your endless love. For the life you gave. For the second chance. For your priceless grace. For your healing hands. For the gift of peace. For the blessed hope. For the faith to believe.

You are my love and my life. I want the world to know of your love. I want to change this dying world. Work thru me. Use me as you see fit. I am ready and I am willing. You are so worth it......I love you more than life itself and I will go where you want me to go and I will do what you want me to do. I will give my all for you because you have given me hope and peace and life that never ends. Help me share this with the world. This is the most important decison people will ever make and I want to help those without hope find you. This is where yesterday brought me and I praise you for that. Use what you have to use to get my attention.


So, todays devotional think about his majesty. Let yourself be in awe of him today. Think about the imagination and power that went into a sunset, a mountain range, our human physiology, the wisdom of scripture, or the plan of the Kingdom of God. Stand amazed in his presence. worship begins with an understanding of our inability to understand. It silences our complaints and captures our hearts. It believes God is astoundingly precious. Worship where you are today. Stand in awe of your creator and know that we were made to worship him.

Fall is in the Air!

I know after a very hot summer most people are enjoying the fall temps. I know I am one of them! Anyone with a heart condition enjoys these temps. It's very hard to get out and do anything in the heat or the extreme cold when you have cardiomyopathy and history of heart failure. Make sure you pay attention to what your body is telling you in that type of weather. Fall has always been my favorite season but it's even more so now because it's when I can get outside and exercise and enjoy the beauty God has given us in nature. So, with fall in the air I thought I would post a recipe that goes right along with the season. Hope you enjoy.

Apple Cider Cupcakes (use icing recipe to follow or just dust with powdered sugar)

3 cups apple cider
1/4 cup unsalted butter
1 3/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 cup all purpose flour
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon sodium-free baking soda

In a large saucepan, boil the cider until it is reduced to about 1 1/2 cups and let it cool. In a large bowl, beat together the butter and the sugar with an electric mixer until the mixture is fluffy. Beat in the eggs. Into the bowl sift together the flour, the cloves, the cinnamon and the baking soda; stir in the reduced cider and combine the mixture well. Divide the batter among 18 paper lined muffin tins and bake in the middle of a preheated 375 degree oven for 25 minutes, or until a tester come out clean.

Each cupcake will contain 12 mg sodium

Now for the icing.

1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
2 cups confectioners sugar
3 tablespoons apple cider

Beat together butter, sugar and cider until smooth. Add more cider if necessary to make frosting of spreading consistency. adding the frosting to cupcakes will add 1 mg sodium.

Recipe found in 500 Low Sodium Recipes by Dick Logue, page 467-468

Enjoy!

Our God is HEALER, awesome in power, Our God!

Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated my blog! I'm still doing extremely well. Exercising every single day for 70 minutes at a very hard pace. I am amazed after every workout just how much I am able to do. I've come from 5% EF all those years ago to 35% when doctors said it was impossible after this much time. The reason for this post today is to ask anyone reading that believes in the power of prayer and the healing power of God to agree with me for 50-55% EF on my next echo which should be this November. I know it is possible with God and I'm believing it!

This week, I'm going to miss my daughter as she travels to Florida for International Youth Convention with her youth group. She flew for the first time in her life this morning! Praying God fills her with his spirit and she comes back changed forever and on fire for God. She already has such a servants heart!

I know God has more in store for me too and I'm ready to do what he his asking. I have heard him speaking to me a lot over the last couple weeks. He didn't heal my heart for my own comfort.....time to get out of the comfort zone a bit more! Ready to be a giant for God!

Go Red for Women Essay

Ok, I thought I would post my short essay that I wrote to try out for the spokesperson for Go Red for Women. Cincinnati didn't go tryouts this year via video. This is my 3rd year trying out. I sure would love to do this but haven't heard anything so I don't think I was chosen this year either. So, there's always next year! Anyway, here's my story I posted on the Go Red for Women website.

Hello, my name is Kimberly Bnkley. I've often heard the phrase, "knowledge is power." but I have to say I disagree with that statement. Acting on that knowledge is where the power comes. I am one woman but I can speak volumes for a cause that matters to my heart and has become my passion. I am a heart disease survivor. I have been "living" with heart disease now for 9years. I was 39 years old when I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure. I had 5% heart function at that time. I was told I would not leave the hospital without a heart transplant but by the grace of God, I did. I have to say, I am here today because of prayer and I believe that firmly. You see, when I was 39, I did not know that heart disease was my greatest health risk. I didn't know the symptoms of heart disease and I didn't know that more women die of heart disease than any other cause. My diagnosis came as a huge shock to myself and to my family. I was in the best shape of my life when I was diagnosed. I exercised, I ate right, I was at my perfect weight.....very physically fit but a virus attacked my heart and did it's damage. Had I known the signs of heart disease, I would have insisted on testing on my heart much sooner. Over the last 8 years, I have had my ups and downs with this disease. A few years ago, I became ill with bronchitis twice within a very short period of time. This caused stress on my heart and once again doctors discussed placing me on the heart transplant list. My heart failure specialist wanted me exercising but at that time I was fearful to do this on my own. So, I had them refer me to a cardiac rehab program so I could regain the confidence I needed to get back into a regular exercise routine. I also got a new bi-ventricular pacemaker that now included a defibrillator. My doctor told me if I wanted to avoid the transplant list and live longer, I needed to be exercising so this is what I did! At this point, I had 20% heart function and doctors needed to see that increase to at least 35%. So, I was one woman on a mission and I am very determined once I set my mind to something. I started looking at my portion sizes and realized that even though I was eating heart healthy foods, I was eating more than proper portions. So, my first change was to cut the portion size down to what I should be eating and no more. Secondly, after my cardiac program was finished, my family and I joined the YMCA. Exercise is no longer a "maybe I'll get to it" thing, it's a "I'm not compromising my excercise time for anything" thing! My heart matters and what I do for it matters very much to me. I exercise every single day for at least 60 minutes. I am able to do much more now than I could in the beginning and I feel so much better for doing so. I have lost 40 pounds and I am at the healthy weight for my height. So, with those changes also came good changes in my heart health and my fitness level. My last echo now says my heart function is at the 35% that my doctors wanted to see! Now, I attribute this to prayer because I had people specifically praying for 35% heart function but I do know that eating right and exercise had a lot to do with my improvement. I now no longer need to be placed on the heart transplant list and I feel absolutely wonderful! I can hike, bike, do aerobics......you name it, I can do it! I now take the stairs instead of the elevator too! I am healthier now than ever and I have no restrictions! I tell everyone about heart disease. This is my passion. I speak from my heart to help other hearts avoid what I have gone thru. You see, I am one very determined woman and I know my life's mission is not accomplished yet! I do all I can to teach others healthy eating habits and about the benefits of regular exercise. I also make sure they know heart disease is the number 1 killer and what they can do to prevent it. I see my doctor regularly. I know my numbers and I encourage others to do the same. I have learned that knowledge isn't power. Acting on that knowledge is power. I am one voice, I am one woman, I am one heart disease survivor that chooses to live and to live well. There is no room for compromise when it comes to my heart and the passion I have for others. When it comes to loving your heart, today is the day to start. Tomorrow may be too late. Go Red for yourself today!

Megan Moss

Megan got her heart on Sunday! According to her blog, she is doing very well. Doctors are amazed. Please keep her recovery in prayer and pray there are no complications from the transplant. You can follow her story at http://www.megansheartstory.blogspot.com/

Pray

http://www.megansheartstory.blogspot.com/


Please pray for Megan Moss. She has the same heart condition that I have. I know miracles happen because I am one. Today, please pray for her miracle. She is awaiting transplant right now.

Salt Free Taco Seasoning

Ok, if you're living with heart failure you have learned by now that you can NOT use the packaged taco seasoning mixes. Here are a couple different salt free taco seasoning recipes that are pretty good. Just remember to look for salt free chili powder because some chili powder is very high in sodium.

First Recipe

6 tablespoons chili powder (look for the unsalted version)
2 tablespoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons onion powder
2 teaspoons garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1 tablespoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon white pepper

Place all ingredients in a zip lock sandwich bag and shake!


Here's a slightly different recipe.

4 teaspoons minced onion
2 teaspoons chili powder (again, get the unsalted version)
1 teaspoon corn starch
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper or more if you like it hot!

You can store in an airtight container for up to 1 year.